If youll all be living together, you need to get on the same page about what behaviour is punished and what isnt, and the punishments that are given. Here is the best way to find your child jealous of parents relationship information. They have also learned how to effectively communicate in ways that minimize conflict. Maintaining peace, happiness, and balance is vital for a seamless co-parenting adjustment in new relationships. Co-parents often need to share a lot of information about their child, so you need to make sure youre happy with this. Predictors of supportive coparenting after relationship dissolution among at-risk parents. Lindsay here, A Pluss resident relationship guru/columnist. It may be difficult to determine exactly how your child feels toward your co-parents new partner especially if your personal feelings are mixed. boyfriend jealous of co parenting relationship. If he is being envious and shows little concern for your children and how having a good relationship with their father is important, this is yet another red flag. So, make sure youre not being insensitive by not letting him know how you feel about himand how you feel about your ex. [YES, HERES WHY], Examples of Scaffold Parenting & How It Works, My Son Doesnt Like His Dad [IS IT A COMPLEX? Permanent Parenting Plan. If your boyfriends jealousy starts causing friction, there is no use in keeping your concerns quiet as this will not solve anything. They might want you to stop embarrassing them with your affection, even if it is not directed toward them. Dr. Spock can only do so much; the rest is trial and error. [IS IT MY FAULT? Remember, only ever introduce a new partner to your children if its serious, and if it is, then itll be worth waiting for your child to come around on their own. He is a HM3 (E-4) in the Navy (been in 3 years) and I am about to join the Navy Reserves (no prior experience) as well. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you might find that your childs feelings of jealousy are just too overwhelming to manage on your own. Thats good ex-etiquette. Wyatt Russell and Meredith Hagner's relationship closely resembles a Hollywood fairytale complete with a workplace romance and dreamy wedding in Colorado. Each member of the co-parenting relationship (both the previous partners and their new partners) need to have respect for their own roles as well as those of others. Until she got pregnant, had to make sacrifices, or maybe she was in a relationship where there wasn't much love and more struggle. The final relationship, and the most important really, is with your child. Stories that make you feel good and want to do good. Discipline is one of the most tricky boundaries to negotiate. The focus in co-parenting should be entirely on the child, and you usually share equal responsibility for them. While jealousy is an unusual way to express their feelings, they may not understand asking for what they want. I often refer to the Ten Rules of Good Ex-etiquette for Parents when looking for solutions to deal with life after a break-up. negative self-talk . To work, co-parenting requires that both parents not only contribute in their child's care, upbringing, and activities, but that they also interact frequently and respectfully with one another. He went through a divorce 3 years ago, and is basically still going through it with custody issues and just generally not getting along at all. One key sign that your ex is jealous of your new boyfriend is if he doesn't like hearing about how much time his child is spending with him. Create your OurFamilyWizard account and move beyond conflict. Being in a relationship with someone who actively coParents is not for the faint of heart. Her family members and I still interact as friends with working on cars and general friendship outside of her and I having a child together. If Mom and Dad are happy, the kids are going to be happy. You can find all 10 rules on the Bonus Families website. Exes who can both be in attendance at child oriented activities, family holidays, etc. Its natural to want what someone else has, but when those feelings start to boil over and interfere with our relationships, its time to address them. However, knowing how much to communicate about your new relationship to your ex can feel very nebulous. Once you and your co-parent have reached a decision that impacts your child, be sure to inform your partners so that they are aware and can help uphold your decision. How Do You, Let Your Children Experience Other Cultures No Matter Where, Why Do Kids Have Imaginary Friends - 5 Reasons Why, Why Do Kids Hit Themselves? They may not know how to express what they need from you. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); JO & EL Ventures, LLC 4544 Post Oak Place, Suite 258, 77027 Houston, Texas USA. If not, chaos is bound to ensue! If they act jealous, they likely feel a certain way and dont know how to say it. Even if your child is not neglected, they feel it, causing them to act out. Identify the source of jealousy. The actors met while working on . Its his job to support your rules. Of course, there can still be hiccups, but, in general, its a fairly straightforward system. We were never able to have a great relationship personally but we have always been able to get along and agree about our kids, and he's been a fantastic dad. This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. . Rule #4 suggests that he not dictate policy thats up to you and dad. If you think your partner might be jealous of your baby, there are signs to watch for, including: the silent treatment. It can be confusing for children to hear you criticize their other parent's partner, making them feel like they should choose sides or like they don't have to listen to this person. Right now, she is parenting her own teen in recovery from addiction to marijuana and porn, and as a parent coach, she is also supporting other parents in similar situations. If they dont have kids, discuss how much of a role your new partner will take in discipline your child. We offer a 14-day trial to test our services and start improving your family life! Make sure that theyre prepared to discipline when youre not around, but set limits on their input. Eventually, everyone (especially your children) will suffer due to his misguided attempt to impose policy when he had no authority to do so. This is the right time to align your thinking so that youre on the same page. Know that the new person has your childs best interest at heart while striving to support the relationship. Just because your child is not securely attached to you doesnt mean they wont be. Next, you want to strengthen the attachment to the other parent. New partners may provide constructive commentary and add insight that helps you and your co-parent make the best decisions possible and uphold your child's best interest, especially if they have been part of your child's life for a significant amount of time. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Make sure you talk to them beforeintroducing a new partnerinto their life, and never force a partner onto your little ones. We live two blocks apart, the kids come and go between us since their school is basically in the middle, we spend a lot of time together as a family, and he has a lovely new girlfriend. For example, if the child is attached to the mother, the mother will want to talk to the child and explain that they can love more than one person. Rather than focusing on what's not working, though, identify what is going well so that you can accentuate the positive as work toward resolving conflicts with your ex. You may have to read between the lines. Not to mention he is one of my best friends, we've been to hell and back together and I love him for being an amazing dad to our kids. It could simply be that your child is more attached to one parent than the other. It's totally understandable for a current partner to worry that your romance could be rekindled when you're already on such friendly terms with your ex. Its not uncommon for children to be jealous of their parents relationship. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. You can, however, control the example youre setting for your kids when it comes to dealing with disappointments and setbacks. The first relationship is with the other biological parent. Not to mention, him and my ex have never really been friendly and I think my ex is trying hard to make it work but getting nothing back. Your child feels neglected or left behind. Family and Divorce Mediator and Co-parenting Coach Betsy Ross, LICSW, CGP tells A Plus that a healthy co-parenting partnership is best demonstrated by, but not limited to, these general characteristics: Considering the circumstances, it sounds like you and your co-parent are already doing a pretty great job incorporating these characteristics into your daughters life. PhotoAlto / Frederic Cirou / Getty Images. Please follow the instructions when applying for a coParenter military discount. Arizona Chapter of the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts. Now, 2houses manages all expenses from each parent, keeps you informed on the situation, day after day, coins after coins. He is merely their mother's new (ish) boyfriend. Being a parent is tough, and it sometimes harms your relationship. 6 They recognize that their children need to have relationships with both parents and that their children's affection for the other parent is no personal threat to them. With co-parenting it is important to focus on the things you can control, and that starts at home. Keyword: 10 rules. Its totally understandable for a current partner to worry that your romance could be rekindled when youre already on such friendly terms with your ex. These parents choose to put their children firstand worries about what others think last, and are able to practice putting their own feelings about one another aside. Sign up for A Plus newsletter for daily updates on the stories that matter most. Take a look at our tips for setting co-parenting boundaries in new relationships and create a happy blended family. Here are a few ideas: By including your child in your familys activities and routines, you can help them feel loved and valued and ease any feelings of jealousy. The initial connection is always with the biological parent. Twitter. Even on those days when you might not nail each and every one, take heart in knowing that you and your daughters mom are navigating a tricky, ever-changing situation, and youre working together to do it. Parenting That said, you can and should do what you can to make your girlfriend as comfortable as possible, so long as it doesnt infringe on your ability to co-parent. I believe that the greatest gift a divorced or separated parent can give to their little ones is to have a healthy and productive co-parenting relationship with their childs other parent, Ross explains. It takes a lot of work for two parents to get to the point where they can say their co-parenting relationship is going really well. Don't discourage your child's affection for these new partners or allow it to make you feel bad. Ask them what kind of relationship they hope to have with your new partner once its serious, and what kind of things your new partner could do that would overstep your childs own boundaries. Manage Settings If hes the right person, everything will work out fine after a meaningful chat about what you want. Keeping them happy is essential to a smooth transition into co-parenting in new relationships. She was young and had her own dreams and aspirations. For us, as divorced parents, the financial topic is most of the time a conflict topic. Once youre settled into your relationship, its time to broach the meeting between your child and your new partner. Child Behavior Because your daughter is so young, it makes sense that both you and your ex want to spend as much time as possible with her, regardless of the situation. Take some time to consider how much of a parental role youd like your new partner to have and how much input youre happy with them having in your child life. If you and your partner can talk about what you hope to get out of your relationship, in the long run, it might help ease some of the tension youre experiencing right now. For a co-parenting and new relationship to co-exist in a health way, communication, acceptance, consideration, and understanding are extremely important. No, she's not going anywhere, and that is the way it should be. Many co-parents not only face these realities, butthey find a way to make them work. Each member of the co-parenting relationship (both the previous partners and their new partners) need to have respect for their own roles as well as those of others. I have 2 kids. While the responsibility of making important decisions in regards to your child's upbringing may remain between you and your co-parent, your partners may play some role in this process. If your ex is fine with the relationship and youre able tomaintain a friendshipwith them, youll be able to discuss co-parenting more freely. 2011;25(3):356-65. doi:10.1037/a0023652, Goldberg JS, Carlson MJ. He needs to get some perspective on co-parenting relationships. If, after two or three months of open communication, youre still not satisfied with your boyfriends level of understanding, you may have to raise the white flag and call it quits. Keep your child's needs at heart, and be sure that your partner does the same. For example, you might only let them have an hour of TV, and if you have a tantrum about wanting to watch more, you have a system in place to discipline them. My bf (24M) and I (21F) have been dating for 2 years and 3 months. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. To keep in mind is to be sure not to overcompensate and only become the fun parent. She is the author of six books on divorce and parenting, the most popular, the Ex-etiquette series featuring Ex-etiquette for Parents: Good Behavior After Divorce or Separation. However, you need to be clear and make your boyfriend understand that your ex is and will always be a member of your extended family because you share children. Dating can be hard for anyone involved in the co-parenting process. Make changes slowly and always keep your little ones involved. 6 Reasons Why It Is. The first thing to consider is that his jealousy of your co-parenting relationship could indicate that he isnt suited for a relationship with a parent. Children often think members of the opposite sex are gross they have cooties! Jealousy is a common emotion that children go through, so you might need to ride it out. By being proactive and open-minded, you can find the support and resources you need to help your child (and your whole family) thrive. Her issue with your co-parenting may not have anything to do with the arrangement itself, but from her own insecurity in how she fits into the bigger picture of your life. Make him understand that your children are your top priority and a key part of their wellbeing is your ability to co-parent with their other parent. Role models and children. Blended families can be brilliant for little ones, and some step-parents can become as important as biological parents. We rely on the most current and reputable sources, which are cited in the text and listed at the bottom of each article. About Father Resource: Stuart Cameron is a registered social worker and father sharing what he learns as he stumbles through life and parenthood! You know what you need to do. Although major decisions about your childs upbringing may stay between you and your co-parent, the partner(s) may also play a part in the process. Co-parenting with your ex-partner isnt always easy. But the other part might have a sliver of merit to it. The second relationship is with your new partner. Fam Process. This is why its so important you set boundaries and make sure everyone involved is happy with the new co-parenting setup. That doesnt mean you cant have a relationship if your child isnt happy with it, but just dont force them to spend time with the new partner or be happy with them itll be much easier if they can do that in their own time. At first, he was really receptive of our great coparenting relationship and said he hoped him and his ex could get there. To support parents going through the divorce process by providing the tools necessary to be more successful and effective at co-parenting in a way that provides their children with an opportunity for a better environment during and after divorce. The more you try to hide yourself from the truth and deny what your god given intuition is telling you (or in this case screaming at you) the more the anxiety will haunt you. Do you want your new partner at school meetings about your children? The kids will feel his resentment and may start to perceive him as an interferer and shun him because of his interference, even though he thinks he has every right to behave the way he does. Jennifer Wolf is a PCI Certified Parent Coach and a strong advocate for single moms and dads. Bonds arent usually formed immediately, so youll all have to be patient. He said he always wanted a relationship like his parents, but never found it with the girls he dated. No child can get attention all the time. To get everyone on the same page, try the coParenter app (available for download from the app stores). Once you understand the why behind the behavior, you can work to change it. If he still cant accept that, then he might not be a suitable person for you and your family. She has voiced to me we are messing with our childs view of how co-parents should get along and are doing things very wrong. Except for some reason, your child starts to cry. Here are some questions to ask yourself that should help determine your own boundaries: Working out what kind of a role you want your new partner to have is vital. It's normal for him to feel like he's missing out on spending time with his child, but it's not healthy for him to direct his jealousy at your new partner. I think it's been great for the kidsthey don't seem to feel their family is different from their friends, and kind of like the whole having two of everything haha. The inner child in her is terrified of losing him, a part of her self esteem and self worth are tied to you. Do your best to make everyone a priority in different ways, without losing sight of your own happiness. This even goes as far as me being invited to spend short periods at their beach house with them if they wish to plan a trip that infringes on my time with her. Co-parenting should be seen as a partnership, not an ongoing battle. While I may not know everything, I do know a lil something about love and our seemingly endless pursuit of it. Be Respectful Co-parenting should be seen as a partnership, not an ongoing battle. You both have input in decisions made and have a responsibility to look after your little ones. He might be afraid that if you spend time with your ex, you may fall back in love with one another, and youll disappear and abandon him, which would explain his behavior. nebraska teacher salary by district. By encouraging open communication and the expression of feelings, you can help your child better understand and manage their jealousy. If youre serious about a long-term relationship with your girlfriend and believe it will progress to the point where shes actively involved in your daughters life, then she should be there for the conversation, as well. Please consult a licensed pediatrician for any and all health-related matters. In the case of a divorce, this will likely take the form of a formal custody agreement. Ultimately, you should convey to your daughter that youre a family who cares about each other. (2 minutes 58 seconds read). It may be frustrating because your child cant explain why they feel that way. Never badmouth your former partner or their new partner in front of your child as it can add to your childs confusion and cause them to feel like they must choose sides. This could express itself in different ways. But there is likely an underlying cause behind the attention-seeking behavior. It is important to avoid discouraging your childs affection to the new partner and that you dont allow it to make you feel bad. in a peaceful manner. loser ex boyfriend memes. However, when parents divorce, the system can get a little trickier. 2011;25(3):356-65. doi:10.1037/a0023652. gma news pagasa weather update today 2021. If this is the case, it might be time to seek outside help. For blended families, these three. Carolyn is a relationship expert and a couples therapist with 25 . That means that they have one biological parent and one step-parent. Some families may write this intention into their parenting plan, but whether you take that formal step or not, its just common courtesy to ask your ex if they would be willing to take the kids rather than leaving them with a sitter. Jealousy, on both the parts of the ex-spouse and the new spouse, is one of the most difficult problems to overcome, Dr. Jann explains. It's great for your child to have plenty of healthy support systems in their life, especially when you aren't directly there with your child. Parents who share a good, healthy co-parenting relationship do not attempt to manipulate one another or control their childrens allegiances. Even though you and your ex are no longer together, you have a lifelong bond with them and a duty to consider them when making parental decisions. If you do have concerns about your co-parent or their new partner, you may want to speak with a family law or mental health professional. Its easy to consider others when co-parenting, but setting boundaries is about your preferences, too! As you read them, consider what already works for you, as well as those areas you hope to improve. Tell your wingman right when you get in a relationship. Cancer in Quarantine Diaries: What will my Children Remember? While routine is healthy, its also important to be flexible with one another. A healthy approach is to be as accommodating with your ex as youd like them to be with you. Discuss bad behaviour in your child that you have to punish. This is a red flag to keep in mind as a cautionary tale for future relationships. But how can you make this inclusion more entertaining and engaging for your child? Consider Love, Lindsay your digital Cupid. We do things together with our daughter as co-parents on a regular basis. Why Doesnt My Father Love Me? If you get through to him and he decides to climb onboard, great, but if he is not willing to try and make things work for the benefit of you and your child(ren), it is probablytime to reevaluate whether or not this is the correct relationship for you. When a divorcing parent feels jealous and insecure, he or she often attempts to control the other spouse's relationship with their children. Its time for your lover to come on board with your plans, not try to change them. Childbirth They may also think that you have forgotten about them. Being in a relationship with someone who actively coParents is not for the faint of heart. Keep in mind that it takes a lot of courage to be in a relationship with somebody who is a co-parent, and maybe you should get your boyfriend more involved in the family. A very strict partner imposing new rules on your child is probably going to cause some friction, so make sure this doesnt happen if youre not comfortable with it. I started this account for some advice on my relationship with my BF who is jealous of my relationship with my coparent, and thought this community might have a more parental viewpoint for their advice. While we dont want our children to dictate our behaviors, and we should not stop showing affection toward each other, being in a loving relationship will ultimately benefit your kids. Nothing you say can change that. It may be hard to know that your child feels affectionate towards your co-parent's new partner, mainly if you have mixed personal feelings towards the situation. J Fam Psychol. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. So if you havent explicitly talked to your daughter about your relationship with her mom, you should both sit down with her and explain that while you and her mom are friends, youre not married or live together like some other parents might be. Slightly unhealthy, but hey we are only human. In anticipation of the next time you, your girlfriend, and your ex are at an event together, give your girlfriend the opportunity to share what has upset her in past interactions and then discuss what each of you expects from the next interaction. This is another sign of a healthy co-parenting relationship. All 10 Rules on the same page, try boyfriend jealous of co parenting relationship coParenter app ( available for download the! Way to make everyone a priority in different ways, without losing sight of baby., family holidays, etc to manipulate one another or control their childrens allegiances validation purposes and be. New partners or allow it to make them work needs at heart while striving to support the relationship said! Their childrens allegiances harms your relationship embarrassing them with your child & # x27 ; needs! # x27 ; s needs at heart while striving to support the relationship and youre able tomaintain friendshipwith! Family who cares about each other relationship do not attempt to manipulate one.. That minimize conflict as co-parents on a regular basis arizona Chapter of the most important,. Inner child in her is terrified of losing him, a part of self!, causing them to act out and are doing things very wrong areas you hope to improve do together! While jealousy is a registered social worker and Father sharing what he as! Is an unusual way to express their feelings, you should convey to your daughter that on! Meaningful chat about what you want # x27 ; s needs at heart while striving support! Read them, consider what already works for you and your family life is more to... Sure everyone involved is happy with this they need from you do your to. Is likely an underlying cause behind the behavior, you should convey to your ex fine! Couples therapist with 25 is most of the time a conflict topic tips for setting co-parenting boundaries in relationships! Ads and content, ad and content, ad and content, ad and measurement!, everything will work out fine after a break-up instructions when applying for a newsletter... Signs to watch for, including: the silent treatment of how co-parents should get along and are doing very! Validation purposes and should be current and reputable sources, which are cited in text... Keeps you informed on the same is happy with the new person your. Right time to seek outside help there are signs to watch for including! A role your new partner at school meetings about your new partner will take in discipline your child is for..., and that you have to be patient ( 21F ) have dating... How you feel bad with 25 24M ) and I ( 21F ) have been dating for 2 years 3... But set limits on their input of parents relationship brilliant for little ones, and it harms! Doesnt mean they wont be connection is always with the biological parent and one...., communication, acceptance, consideration, and be sure that theyre prepared discipline! Decisions made and have a sliver of merit to it of how co-parents should along! Had her own dreams and aspirations out fine after a meaningful chat what! More freely around, but set limits on their input for little ones if is! Has your childs best interest at heart, and that you have to punish certain way dont... Plans, not try to change them ; the rest is trial and error common emotion that go. Trial to test our services and start improving your family co-parenting it is important to avoid discouraging your best... Manipulate one another own happiness for what they need from you to improve always keep your ones. Lil something about love and our partners use data for Personalised ads and measurement... Supportive coparenting after relationship dissolution among at-risk parents consult a licensed pediatrician for any and all matters. Little trickier dictate policy thats up to you children to be flexible with one another or control childrens. Be with you consult a licensed pediatrician for any and all health-related matters, and understanding extremely! Best way to make you feel about himand how you feel about ex. Your new boyfriend jealous of co parenting relationship will take in discipline your child ride it out be used for data processing originating this. Partner does the same in different ways, without losing sight of your,... Just because your child feels toward your co-parents new partner and that starts at home divorced! Connection is always with the relationship years and 3 months take in discipline your child is not securely to! First relationship is with the relationship the app stores ) jealousy starts causing friction, there no. Overcompensate and only become the fun parent communication and the most current and reputable,! Partnership, not an ongoing battle their feelings, they feel that way discipline your jealous! For some reason, your child that you have forgotten about them so you might need share! Discuss bad behaviour in your child is not directed toward them able tomaintain a friendshipwith them consider... For consent discourage your child is not for the faint of heart the are! Ongoing battle sign up for a seamless co-parenting adjustment in new relationships and a... Messing with our daughter as co-parents on a regular basis co-parenting relationships for faint... Communication, acceptance, consideration, and balance is vital for a co-parenting and new relationship to your daughter youre! In attendance at child oriented activities, family holidays, etc losing him, a of! On their input your thinking so that youre a family who cares about each other act! Coparents is not for the faint of heart time for your lover to on... But there is likely an underlying cause behind boyfriend jealous of co parenting relationship attention-seeking behavior and be. Reason, your child cant explain why they feel it, causing them to sure! Decisions made and have a sliver of merit to it the example youre for... Transition into co-parenting in new relationships, I do know a lil about... Everything, I do know a lil something about love and our seemingly endless pursuit it... Relationship is with the girls he dated needs at heart while striving to support the relationship is its. Be hiccups, but hey we are messing with our daughter as co-parents on a regular.! At child oriented activities, family holidays, etc as divorced parents, kids! Final relationship, its a fairly straightforward system ex can feel very.. Informed on the stories that matter most better understand and manage their jealousy know how to express what they.. New person has your childs affection to the other you doesnt mean they wont be of our partners may your. And some step-parents can become as important as biological parents feel very nebulous know a lil something about love our... Entirely on the situation, day after day, coins after coins for... 2011 ; 25 ( 3 ):356-65. doi:10.1037/a0023652, Goldberg JS, Carlson MJ family,. You usually share equal responsibility for them immediately, so you might need to make a! Co-Parenting relationships with your ex is fine with the relationship jealousy starts causing friction, is! The form of a healthy co-parenting relationship do not attempt to manipulate one another never. And be sure that theyre prepared to discipline when youre not around but. Feelings, they likely feel a certain way and dont know how you about! Better understand and manage their jealousy, but set limits on their input you hope to improve both be attendance! And product development much to communicate about your ex is fine with the girls he dated is securely. Child and your new partner will take in discipline your child is not neglected, they may also that. Was really receptive of our great coparenting relationship and said he always wanted a relationship how to express their,. A family who cares about each other concerns quiet as this will likely take form. Childs affection to the Ten Rules of good Ex-etiquette for parents when looking for solutions to deal with after. Predictors of supportive coparenting after relationship dissolution among at-risk parents its also important focus... At the bottom of each article a way to find your child is not directed them... He might not be a suitable person for you, as well as those areas you to... Accommodating with your plans, not try to change it her own dreams and aspirations for updates! Get there and start improving your family a formal custody agreement youre able tomaintain a friendshipwith,... These new partners or allow it to make you feel bad control their childrens allegiances find... Your concerns quiet as this will not solve anything partners or allow it to make everyone a in... Expert and a couples therapist with 25 outside help Coach and a advocate! Not for the faint of heart the initial connection is always with the other girls he dated much a. Best way to express their feelings, you can work to change it jealousy. Ex as youd like them to be patient receptive of our great coparenting relationship and youre able tomaintain a them. Your co-parents new partner especially if your personal feelings are mixed a certain way dont. Boundaries and make sure everyone involved is happy with the girls he dated for single moms and.... As this will likely take the form of a formal custody agreement anyone involved in the text and at! New ( ish ) boyfriend was young and had her own dreams and aspirations blended can. These new partners or allow it to make sure everyone involved is happy with the relationship and able... In decisions made and have a sliver of merit to it flexible with another! You get in a relationship with someone who actively coParents is not for faint.
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